The Apology of Caligula
Blood is blood whether it’s shameful or proud
And you best be sure it is parceled and met out
Lest I grow upset
My name is Gaius Augustus Germanicus, Caligula for short
The horned devil who steals for pleasure and murders for sport
It’s your honor to be in my behest
But you should know better
2,000 years and you haven’t learned a thing
It’s about he who dies in poverty and powerless
That poets beatify and sing
Yes I wanted power, every minute and every hour
The only meat never to sour,
But for that you would poke your finger at me?
They say I planned to make a consul of Incitatus
Believe me, I was surrounded by so many murderous bastards
I should have done so more expediently
And I, emperor
You, a mere student, laugh in giddy joy
But I had an empire of millions, all I could’ve wanted
Prey tell, who of us is the man and who’s the boy?
And you compare these paupers to me
Who fly between groups of plebeians so diligently
Not even to me but to this cartoonish effigy
My horse commended far more respect than you or your scrutiny
