Babalon Vs. The State of Listicles

Artwork by Warhead Art, minor edits by yours truly

We're in that magical time of year in which fans and outlets alike have begun putting out end of the year lists. I grew tired of the practice when I realized that 8/10 times, I was getting advice from a nebulous staff of writers, none of which I knew, on the behest of a magazine which has long stopped curating its music to any discernible consistent taste. While I'm the first (or second, in the opening 100 anyway) to sympathize with the plight of music magazines, I even worked for and contributed to a couple, as a consumer this kills my interest.

But this begged the question - in an optimal world in which anyone cared about what I think and read my blogposts, what could be some changes to make me read a "Best of" the year list?

1. Either choose a single writer per list or have one list and detail who chose what and how. Without either, the reader is forced to assume who and why according to the overall flavor of the magazine. It is, to my opinion, exceedingly rare for a larger and professional magazine to have an established taste. The only one I can think of in English is Bardo Methodology.

2. Narrow your choices. While some may get away with longer lists (Goniloc springs to mind,) it is usually because they listen to an absolutely hilarious amount of music and their choices are still narrowed down. But most times when I see a top 30,40,50, my immediate thought is - no one will listen to that many to give your taste a chance. Especially not this one HEYOOOO

3. Explanations. This kind of goes hand in hand with the last two. It's easier to list a million names if you're just namedropping and if I don't know why you liked a record or who you are, then I have no reason to seek your recommendations nor tools to understand it.

4. Integrity. The hardcore Punk band, must be on every list. No but, if you work with bands and/or are close friends with them, in my opinion you should either annotate that or leave it out. I personally subscribe to the latter form, I feel my unobstructed judgement is all I really have to offer. And the occasional non-sequitur joke. Some might say to not take this shit so seriously, but honestly were we to go down that route, these lists would be even more pointless.

5. If the list is not just a private "my favorites," take into consideration what your list's intent is. I honestly lose my shit when I read an entry of "Top 10 Death Metal Releases of the Year" that starts with " I don't usually listen to death metal." Then why the fuck are you even here Timmy?

6. for the love of fuckmothering Jesus- stop putting side projects of death metal and black metal musicians that aren't metal on metal lists. Like anyone with functioning ears and good taste, I love Wardruna and Perturbator, but if you can't leave the metal wheelhouse to enjoy something then that is firmly on you and should not be accommodated .

7. Don't take into account a band's profile and other reviews. Of course that isn't to say that you shouldn't pick something for it having none or a lot of publicity, but don't intentionally pick things for being underground/mainstream without stating so explicitly.

8. Don't fight people about what they like. This is more about audience participation section but really. Keep in mind, saying you were disappointed and didn't enjoy something is valid and cool. Saying "honk honk, you're an idiot this sucks, please be my friend I'm very lonely" is quite another

9. ??????

10.Include Ritual Death's debut, it kicks ass

Unsolicited Recommendations 3

Run The Jewels 2

While RTJ are by no means new nor unrecognized, they're one of the very few new (9 years is new ...kinda)  American rap acts who's music delivers haymakers. Both El-P and Killer Mike have storied and successful back catalogues but once you go RTJ it's hard to go back.

Honestly each of the band's four records has my explicit recommendation but two is my all time favorite. Firstly because I never finished kindergarten and I can't count to three. Secondly because the aggression on songs like Blockbuster Night Part 1 and Oh My Darling Don't Cry beats up most rappers and takes their lunch money.

Tactics Ogre Reborn

Anyone who knows me personally knows that the black circles around my eyes are so vast and dark they look like warpaint. Recently they've been vaster and darker because I can't put this fucking game down and frankly fuck sleep.

I've always loved strategy and RPG games but until recently I was kind of hesitant on Square Enix. Final Fantasy never really spoke to me because I'm not a 12 year old anime eyed boy with spiky hair who gets away with owning a weapon (like they do in Texas) but their strategy games on the Switch have been killing it.

Their most recent one, Ogre Tactics Reborn, is a game that takes a while to settle in. In the beginning it feels like the usual "we are sad anime people in the continent of Not Europe fighting against medieval Nazis" but about 2-3 hours in it takes a turn. The difficulty ramps up and suddenly you're weighing up moves so that you can get that kickass dragon for the next fight, alternating troops to take advantage of different enemy set ups and trying to decide if assassinating a duke will lead Wallister to a better position against Galgistan.

Honestly, being Polish and therefore melancholic and Eastern European, I don't know much about fun, but I'm enjoying myself.

Unsolicited Recommendations Part 2

In today’s Unsolicited Recommendations, we start off with the funniest reviews you’ve ever read, heard and seen. Then we swing by Athens to pick up Spyros Giasafakis on our way to the nearest temple to Dionysus.

1. Zero Punctuation

It's hard to overstate how monumental Zero Punctuation was and is in my life. Yahtzee basically wrote the playbook on what it is I find funny with these 4-5 minute long video game reviews (even if you're not a huge gamer, only a very vague knowledge is necessary to enjoy ZP.)

But once you delve deep, there's a world of complexity to the jokes and references that will guide you to good books, movies and hell even interesting historical events to look up. So much so that a whole decade and some after Ive begun watching ZP, I regularly rewatch old episodes of games I still haven't played, unconvinced? Very well, behold!

https://youtu.be/zHnYFP73MKE

2. Daemonia Nymphe- Κραταια Αστεροπη (Krataia Asteropi)

What would happen if you dragged Einar Selvik from Wardruna, Lisa Gerrard and Brendan Perry from Dead Can Dance and Psarantonis (from Crete? No but he's a solo artist) into a studio? Well you'd probably get a very angry group of musicians but say you managed that and you got them to record, what would you get? Something much like Daemonia Nymphe

Opinions may vary in regards to what the ideal starting point with the band may be, my take would be Krataia Asteropi. The band's personality and explorations into Greek mysticism goes hand in hand with a memorable but not overly simplified approach. It's definitely a time investment but a rewarding one.

(For those coming from a Metal place, Sakis Tolis of the black metal institution Rotting Christ recently covered track 4, "Nocturnal Hecate." You can find this excellent cover on the last track of his debut solo album, Among the Fires of Hell.)