Babalon Vs. The State of Listicles

Artwork by Warhead Art, minor edits by yours truly

We're in that magical time of year in which fans and outlets alike have begun putting out end of the year lists. I grew tired of the practice when I realized that 8/10 times, I was getting advice from a nebulous staff of writers, none of which I knew, on the behest of a magazine which has long stopped curating its music to any discernible consistent taste. While I'm the first (or second, in the opening 100 anyway) to sympathize with the plight of music magazines, I even worked for and contributed to a couple, as a consumer this kills my interest.

But this begged the question - in an optimal world in which anyone cared about what I think and read my blogposts, what could be some changes to make me read a "Best of" the year list?

1. Either choose a single writer per list or have one list and detail who chose what and how. Without either, the reader is forced to assume who and why according to the overall flavor of the magazine. It is, to my opinion, exceedingly rare for a larger and professional magazine to have an established taste. The only one I can think of in English is Bardo Methodology.

2. Narrow your choices. While some may get away with longer lists (Goniloc springs to mind,) it is usually because they listen to an absolutely hilarious amount of music and their choices are still narrowed down. But most times when I see a top 30,40,50, my immediate thought is - no one will listen to that many to give your taste a chance. Especially not this one HEYOOOO

3. Explanations. This kind of goes hand in hand with the last two. It's easier to list a million names if you're just namedropping and if I don't know why you liked a record or who you are, then I have no reason to seek your recommendations nor tools to understand it.

4. Integrity. The hardcore Punk band, must be on every list. No but, if you work with bands and/or are close friends with them, in my opinion you should either annotate that or leave it out. I personally subscribe to the latter form, I feel my unobstructed judgement is all I really have to offer. And the occasional non-sequitur joke. Some might say to not take this shit so seriously, but honestly were we to go down that route, these lists would be even more pointless.

5. If the list is not just a private "my favorites," take into consideration what your list's intent is. I honestly lose my shit when I read an entry of "Top 10 Death Metal Releases of the Year" that starts with " I don't usually listen to death metal." Then why the fuck are you even here Timmy?

6. for the love of fuckmothering Jesus- stop putting side projects of death metal and black metal musicians that aren't metal on metal lists. Like anyone with functioning ears and good taste, I love Wardruna and Perturbator, but if you can't leave the metal wheelhouse to enjoy something then that is firmly on you and should not be accommodated .

7. Don't take into account a band's profile and other reviews. Of course that isn't to say that you shouldn't pick something for it having none or a lot of publicity, but don't intentionally pick things for being underground/mainstream without stating so explicitly.

8. Don't fight people about what they like. This is more about audience participation section but really. Keep in mind, saying you were disappointed and didn't enjoy something is valid and cool. Saying "honk honk, you're an idiot this sucks, please be my friend I'm very lonely" is quite another

9. ??????

10.Include Ritual Death's debut, it kicks ass

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